Super Boring for others but Super Important for ME!

I'm not joking.  I am so bored by this post I can't even bare to edit it (not that editting has done me any good in the past).  So why publish you may be wondering?  Well, to be honest, I started with a very feministy idea, but then typed all this and couldn't BARE just deleting it all.  Also, it was good for me to really flesh all this stuff out.  Enjoy (you won't).

The month of June was a very good month for me.  I had a baby (it was awesome), and was also hired to a full time permanent position.

As someone who always wanted children I had put some thought into how long I thought I would want to stay home with my children.  My mom stayed home for ten years and always said it was the best years of her life.  I worked as a nanny before teaching and loved that fill-in-stay-at-home-mom role.  I always thought that I would want to stay home until my eldest was in full day school.  That being said, I was smart enough to know that you cannot make decisions about something you have never done before and I always knew it would be a possibility that I would want to go back to work after the one year maternity leave.

What I didn't know was just how complicated this decision would really be.  The factors generally and then specifically to my situation are as follows:

1.  Do I even have a job? The answer for some is no, and therefore there is no decision to be made.  For me, thankfully, I do have a full time job (although I was not hired permanently until after I left for my maternity leave).

2.  Does my job have options other than returning full time?  I am lucky in that my job has MANY options.  I know for many women, however, that it is return full time or don't bother returning at all.  I have to say as an aside that I find that very silly.  Why not allow job sharing or part time options?  That way MORE PEOPLE GET JOBS!!!!  And more than likely are more happy at their jobs.

3.  What can I (we) afford?  This also begs the question What are we willing to sacrifice?  Luckily, my partner and are are on the same page in terms of our stay at home values.  We can afford to work part time because we make reasonable incomes AND we are willing to sacrifice A LOT in order to live a part time lifestyle.

4.  What is best for me emotionally?  Do I need to be at home and not at work ALL THE TIME?  For many women going back to work provides them with an ideal home/life balance as they wouldn't be happy as stay at home moms.  For me, the thought of going back full time was nauseating.  I really do love being at home.  However, after visiting my work place I was reminded of how energizing I find my job. But what is the best option?

4.  Will I lose seniority (or something similar) by not returning?  When I visited my work place I spoke with a colleague about my work/home dilemma.  I told him I didn't want to lose my footing at work.  He responded by saying, "Of course you don't.  You've worked really hard and waited a long time to get a spot."

5. What does my partner need? Does s/he need me at home more or to be at home him/herself?

6.  What does the child need?  For some children daycare may be the best option because they might thrive in this different environment. 

7.  What day care options are available? Parents, friends, home daycare etc.

WELL, my husband and I have decided to both work part-time next year.  I was really lucky in that my husband had some wants and needs which made the decision not one that rested entirely on my shoulders.   We will both work a little (although me a little more) and will both be at home more.  It should be amazing.

What I really want to say here is that this decision was SO STRESSFUL and upsetting (before it was made).  I was really at a loss.  I felt pulled in many different directions and for one of the first times in my life I felt like I was trying to work through a fog because I really couldn't identify what I WANTED.

The last thing I want to add was that I know I am TRULY LUCKY to have had this stress because it means I am financially stable in a job with amazing flexibility.  If only everyone could be so lucky.  Is this how bored all of you were when you had to listen to me go on and on about this?  Yuck! (But hurray.  Decision made.)